i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
