Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
