And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
