Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
