Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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