You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
