he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
