"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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