New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
