Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
