listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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