you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
