haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
