one might say we're banned from that church
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
