How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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