I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
love makes seman taste better
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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