Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
