i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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