wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
