Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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