It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
