apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Randomize
