At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
