Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
as a side note pls kill me
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
