i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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