Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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