No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Are we still banned from the library?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
