K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
