i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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