I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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