Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
