I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
