she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
