John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
