A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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