so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
