I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
