And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
