I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
