i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
