Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
