we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
