You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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