Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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