Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
