Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
