did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
