Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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