You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
