i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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