my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My vagina just recognized that song.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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