11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
