dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
