please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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