she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
