Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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